.YOU KNOW WAD IS ART?.

Monday, June 15, 2009

A piece of good news that made me decide to blog again. Finally found a job. Though it's just a temp 3 mths job, at least the salary is pretty decent, it's near my house, and it's better than just rotting at home. Afterall, i need to earn to support my hobbies and my shopping!

Either practically no news from the interviews i have went, or being rejected, otherwise, it's a couple of job offers that came together. I picked this one over a perm that i was being offered was bcos of 2 simple things: boring job scope and lousy pay. The pay being offered was what i felt that was meant for a diploma holder. Altho, times are bad and it's not easy to look for a job. I guess i still have to slightly picky about it, especially when the job scope is not interesting enough to compensate for the lousy pay.

This job offer came pretty fast. I was given a call this morning while heading for another interview. One of the managers invited me for a short discussion at their office this afternoon. When i thought it was just an initial screening or interview, the other manager whom i talked to, told me to report to work. TOMORROW!. All came too fast and i couldn't quite react immediately. Wanted to have some time to consider and wait for the reply for the interview i went in the morning. However, since the location of this coy is nearer to home, and the pay is pretty decent. I simply agreed and told her i will report punctually tmr morning. The other thing i like about this job is the flexi hour thing. Either you report to work at 8am and knock off at 5pm, else you choose to come in at 9am and knock off an hour later. So i can make adjustments for my sleep-in late days, and for whatever dates i have in the evenings.

Pretty excited about the new job. But that means i have to totally switch my biological clock back to normal. No more sleeping at 3am the next morning and sleep late till the noon! i hope i can do that.. So off to bed now!

6/15/2009 10:52:00 PM

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

I feel like total crap today.. It's one of the horrible days again.. Maybe it was my fault for starting the day wrongly, but do you have to carry it on for the rest of the day?

why must the whole emcee thing get so serious... To me, i still feel that you weren't exactly happy that i didn't accept the emcee that you had liaised with.. Maybe i didn't handle the whole situation well enough, but seriously, did you even put yourself in my shoes. It sounded like you were lecturing me... for goodness sake, the whole thing is already over, why do you need to bring it up and tell me how i shld have handled the thing. To make me learn?? what the hell...

Do you know your tone is super crap... everything that you hated me to do it, you had done it all... EVERYTHING!!! do you even consider how i feel anot.. I finally understood your way of trying to resolve things... That is not to talk about it anymore, and don't care about anything anymore.. What sort of shit is that... I can't believe that you can actually say these things out... From the start, you told me that everytime we quarrel, we have to talk things out, resolve the issues, and communicate.. So what do you mean by saying that you don't want to talk about things anymore, and we shouldn't talk things out anymore...

I admit that i'm in the wrong for some things, but does it mean you are not?? the most hated thing that you dont want to hear from me: "okay.. sorry, my fault." Hated me for doing things that i don't like you to do.. and you are doing it now..

I have told you umpteen times not to ever leave me alone behind... the whole time we are out, you just kept leaving me behind.. Walking faster.. and never ever turned to look back at me to see if i was catching up with you. all you can do is to stand there at the supposed destination of yours, and wait for me.. How nice of you.. Left the train without saying anything.. Well done.. You really broke the record today.. Just because you were pissed off at me for making the same mistake that have happened so many times.. Now i really understand your way of trying to resolve things. Remain angry and ignore me for the rest of the day, making the whole day even worse than before..

Seriously, you always expect me to change, you always want me to compromise with you. How many times have you compromised with me?? Being reluctant to go over your house each time you requested, you have to get so upset. Then how about yourself being reluctant to come back to hall once a in awhile??

Each time the disappointment just gets higher and higher.. And that day when i read your sms.. you said that you will try to come back but no promises.. Then i went on to say that, then the answer will most likely be a no in the end. Why do you have to reply, "that's why i said no promises" Did i interpret wrongly, or your so-called "try to come" is just a nicer way to tell me no.. And to keep mentally prepared for the actual answer..

I know in the end you did come.. But somehow it makes me feel that, you came because i asked you to.. You just felt forced to come over and keep me company. And you have to do it, bcos i'm going to kick up a fuss if you don't.. That feeling isn't good... you can tell me you got work next day, or it's too far, there's nth here for you which makes it inconvenient, you have to quarrel with your mum over this issue..

That's making sacrifices... Then haven't i been making sacrifices.. Isn't it the same thing for me having to go over to your house? I had to lie to my mum in order to go over.. Imagine if like you, i tell the truth to my mum.. I will have a even greater quarrel and dispute with my mum.. Bcos of this, how many times do i need to lie to my mum... There's nth of my things in your house as well what.. So everytime, i also have to bring all these things along to your house right. I never really complained what.. Sometimes, i just feel that you are super not understanding towards me.

You want me to stop crying.. I know that it's for my own good... I will lose out the next time i go out to the corporate world.. But now it's two different things.. You dont want me to cry, bcos you get irritated when seeing me crying.. Seriously.. do you think i did not try to fight back my tears.. If you really want me to control my crying, i have to really calm down before i can talk things out with you. And since you want me to be able to talk things out immediately, then bear with the crying!!!!!!!!!!!!!

couple is all about compromise and accomodate right.. Why can't you understand that this is something that is very difficult for me to change, and why don't you just try to accept it.. I don't find you trying to help me change it.. You are making scared of crying in front of you... Rather than making me really change this..

Everyone has flaws, you shld showing patience and try to change me slowly.. Don't give me the crap that you showed me patience before... bcos that was only the very beginning... Then each time you see me cry, you only get irritated...

10/01/2008 10:23:00 PM

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

This sunday will be Lovebites event. Finally.. it's been a really long wait for the event day to come. It's been really a year to plan this whole event. I personally feel it's dragging for too long and i can't wait for all these to be over.

Hopefully the event will turn out to be successful or at least it won't look bad.. LOL.. i know it's bad to be saying such things. However, i'm really quite tired all of the planning and changing of events over and over again.

I know that being an event coordinator, it's within my job scope to be doing all these. But i feel so overwhelmed as all these sort of came all together. I had to liaise with super alot of things all at one go. And at this point of time, where there's only 4 more days to the actual event, i feel even more stressed and overwhelmed with all these stuffs coming together at one go.

Really hope that the event will be good on that day. At least it shows that our effort all paid off..

9/24/2008 11:26:00 PM

Sunday, September 21, 2008

it's been ages since i last blogged. However, i have been pretty overwhelmed with certain things yesterday, that's why i want to write my thoughts down to remember it.

I had a quarrel with him yesterday. I would say it's one of the biggest quarrels we have ever had. The day before he had asked me to go to his house, but i kept showing my reluctance to go to his house. I never thought that he was so bothered about it. We ended the call with sort of an unhappy note. I could sense, that's why i dropped him a text. however, there was no reply even until the next day(yesterday), and when i text him again to asked if he was angry. He gave me a reply, saying no.

So assumingly, i thought everything was fine. On my way to sengkang, i had actually stayed at my sister's house for awhile to give her a helping hand to look after my niece. When i was prepared to leave the house, i gave him a call, and he told me that he was done with lunch, and was going to prepare soon. So naturally, it came to my mind that mayb we shld meet directly at the mrt station, rather than me going to his house. Because the weather was pretty hot as well, i felt that it dint make any sense for me to walk to his house, just to go to the train station together.

However, he was extremely unhappy about it that i have actually showed no intention to go his house. He kinda linked the two issues together and gave me an attitude and ignored me while we met up. What really pisses me off was that when we arrived at city hall, he just kept on walking on his own, and i had to try very hard to keep up with him. He didn't even show any intention to turn ard to check if i was following right behind him.

After he had settled his stuffs, i decided to 'confront' him. It was then i knew he had been so bothered about what i said. He interpreted what i have said to him in a different perspective. He thought i never had the intention to have a long relationship with him. Thats why i was reluctant to go to his house, and din't want his mum to treat me as his future wife-to-be.

Actually, i'm really not sure why am i so bothered about going to his house. I was really afraid that (Touchwood) if we won't be able to really last as a married couple in future, then it's kinda like disappointing to his whole family, especially if the relations with the family gets too close. Futhermore, i'm one person who is not exactly good at socialising with people. Hence, sometimes i feel that i don't know how i should go about bringing the bond closer with his family. I guess i really have to improve on my interpersonal skills.

So, we had a real big quarrel. I was crying in front of the public (gosh, it was really horrible with people staring at us) He was really disappointed with what i said. I tried explaining to him many times, but he didn't take it in. After awhile, he decided to leave me behind (again), and walked away. I know at that point in time that, if i just let him go like that, it's going to be a very bad strain on our relationship. Seriously, i was really very scared of him leaving me all alone. I really hate that kind of feeling.

Hence, i went after him. When i stopped and pulled him to turn ard to look at me, i was quite stunned. He had tears in his eyes. It was then that i realised how hurt and disappointed he actually felt. Every time we quarreled, i have never seen him cry. The last time i seen cry was about 1 yr ago, or even longer than that. It was also then, that made me realised even more, how much both of us care about this relationship.

But all was not settled so quickly. And it's been really soon, since i last cried so so badly. Went to a quiet corner and i couldnt stop crying. It was hurting for me to see him walk away from me once again (at least he went just round the corner). I dont know if he walk away from me to cry again or what. I gave him a call to get him over so that we can try to resolve this. *on a side note, i was really very proud of myself that i am able to talk even though i was crying so badly*

Then i asked him how he want me to change or how does he want to resolve this matter. I really hate to see us quarreling. He told me to change my mentality. So i told him that, if in future he wants me to go to his house for meals, i will be perfectly fine with it. Of course, i know i need to change myself, and try to interact with his family more often. I tried to explain to him again that what i have mentioned to him on the phone, was not supposed to mean like what he had interpreted. If i had no intention of wanting the relationship to last, in the first place, why would i try so hard to please him, and to change whatever bad things about myself that he disliked. If i had no intention, then i would have easily tell him that these things, i'm not able to change it.

It was then, i think he really understood and accepted my explanation. So he pulled me towards him and gave me a hug. I really broke down to cry (again), and i could hear him trying to fight back his tears. I felt so bad that my words can actually hurt him so much, especially for a person who is always so strong, and never liked to cry. it made me realised that i really want to keep him by my side, i really want to cherish this relationship properly.

I know he won't see this blog, but from deep down in my heart, i really want to let him know all these. I really love you very much, and i will try very hard to keep this relationship going on forever and ever. I really don't know what i will do, if you are not my side. You have always been to help me, giving me alot of advice, making me stronger and tougher. But all these you have done for me have also made me to become more dependent on you. So please, don't ever leave me alone and move on on your own alright? and i promised i will be there with you for whatever that may come ahead of us.

9/21/2008 11:23:00 PM

Saturday, March 31, 2007

bought this facial hair remover thing online.... don't know if it's good... but heard it got recommended on taiwan tv show... and 300++ comments were posted to buy the item...
hope it's good.. shall update after the item has reached me... haha....

bought an abercrombie polo for dear as well.... hmm... wanted it to be a surprise for him... but.... i cant decide which color or design suits him better.. and after consulting alot of ppl, (whom gave me diff opinions), i still cant decide.. Afraid that i will end up buying sth that he doesnt like, and he wont wear it.. i decided to ask him.. it's this white/blue polo tee.. it's nice! haha... im sure it will look good on him..

3/31/2007 01:38:00 AM

Gosh, i was totally surprised when i was trying to board the bus to go hm earlier on... AFEW (not just one) guys were so eager to board the bus that they cut me and another girl that was in front of me....

How gentlemanly these guys are... and they are just 20++... not some uncles.... it's understandable if aunties or uncles tried to rush up the bus... cos they are pretty kiasu and it's quite a norm alr.. (altho it's still unglam) BUT, guys doing that... a total turn off man... cant stand it... gentleman act is the most important and basic thing guys shld have.. esp towards girls.... it's not as though they didnt see me and the girl... they looked back but still cut the queue in the end... ARGH.... singaporeans need to learn some proper manners and etiquette...

3/31/2007 01:32:00 AM

Sunday, December 17, 2006

im so crazy over online shopping now!! reason being that singapore is getting more and more boring.. and i cant seem to find much clothes anymore.. haha..
online shopping is so much fun.. much more variety that i can choose from! cant wait for my stuffs to be shipped over! haha..
but this also meant that im getting more broke.. and worse thing is im not working! so no source of income while my resources are depleting.. anyone wants to be my sugar daddy or mummy? =(

mayb this is some of retail therapy for me.. i dont know.. got really quite upset yest... nvr felt so hurt.. guess im really falling too deep in.. i really dont know what will happen if you weren't ard... will put in upmost effort to maintain it alright?

12/17/2006 12:44:00 AM

Friday, December 15, 2006

is it so difficult for a guy and a girl to reach mutual understanding? just because a guy cant read a girl's mind and vice versa, that's y the two genders are diff?
i need some enlightenment.

mayb girls pay too much attention to small details that guys dont. and guys only look at the big picture. that's y they have to communicate to let each other know what they are thinking abt. but sometimes voicing sth out will defeat the purpose compared to a guy doing it w/o any reminder from the girl herself.. isnt it? im getting more and more confused...

12/15/2006 09:41:00 PM